My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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