is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I supernannyed him into submission
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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