i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
