Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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