So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
