fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
