When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
