the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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