thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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