I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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