Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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