She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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