New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
