Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
