I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how drunk are you?
Several
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
