Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
