YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
