we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
