9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
