Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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