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My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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