Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
