The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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