i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
