a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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