I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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