do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
