So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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