I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
People in love make me want to vomit
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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