we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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