i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
