Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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