He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
