dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
