Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
