i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
