This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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