Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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