I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
