I just saw a hot homeless man
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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