I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
