You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
