I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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