I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
