She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
