it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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