Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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