Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
