Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
