someone get that fucking seahorse.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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