Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
