I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
