the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck appropriateness.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
