im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
