I'm drive I can fine osifer
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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