I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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