She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
