What a fucking waste of an outfit
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
