OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
